The long awaited official soundtrack to the fifth and current edition of DSM-5!

DJ Benis vs. Joelbenis is an upcoming album by dreaded producer Joelbenis. It is widely regarded as a total failure in all aspects of the medium.

Earlier this year Joelbenis started it’s first project after promising what could only be called one of the most impossible projects of the 21st century in high definition resolution on a turntable: DJ Benis vs. Joelbenis.

Reworking all styles of hip-hop and with a sprawling back catalog, perhaps the most painful part of this album are the songs featuring DJ Benis.

One out of three of these songs (Funkoater, Ramon Page, Yves Satan) are surprisingly pleasing to the ears while the other two (Clara, Justin G) are total sonic disasters. The worst part of it is that not only is every one of these songs total and utter garbage, but they’re only mixed to within an inch of their life.

Shame on all of you.

B: Why did you feel the need to start producing electronic music again?

J: Nothing ever stopped me from producing electronic music. I just felt that I wanted to make an album, and a video, and an animated short, and an interactive game and some stand-alone pieces of media that mix music and animation.

B: Your music, to put it lightly, is terrible.

J: Well, my fans are at least.

B: Well, there’s only a handful, at least.

J: There’s like a million of us.

B: I’m not asking for a lot. I’m looking at the whole picture. You’re one of many. I get it. You’re just having fun with music. That’s all I’m saying.

J: Have fun? Why can’t I be serious about music? Is it because of my age? You know, you’re like sixty-five, right?

B: I’m not that old. I’m like eighty-four.

J: It doesn’t matter, because my soul is ancient.

B: You just said you were twenty-three.

J: Because I’m seven thousand years old. The oldest person on earth.

B: That doesn’t mean anything. You’re just a tiny speck of shit in the universe. You’re a speck of shit in the universe.

J: But I think I’m in touch with God.

B: Because God exists.

J: And how does the universe know that God exists?

B: It doesn’t need to know. It just does.

J: But what if it doesn’t exist?

B: That’s ridiculous. There’s no such thing as a paranormal phenomenon. The entire universe is flat, like a plate.

J: There’s just no way to test that.

B: Absolutely. The entire universe is also an electrostatic wire. And a subatomic cloud. It’s also a thin wire. It’s also a feather. It’s also a bridge. It’s all these things, all in parallel.

J: Can we just have faith in the entire universe?

B: We can’t. The point is that what you perceive as reality is an illusion. Reality is all an illusion. You’re an illusion. You’re an illusion, too.

J: I’m an illusion?

B: You’re part of the illusion. You’re a puppet on a string. You’re the illusion. This is a human illusion. This is a human reality. And you are a monkey. You’re a monkey.

J: What?

B: Yeah, you.